Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
