So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
