My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
