just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
