OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
