I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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