You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
