Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
