I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
