oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
