My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
