i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
