I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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