I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
