Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
