i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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