I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Found the puke drawer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
