first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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