he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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