Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
