the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
