i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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