Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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