4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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