There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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