btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
