dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
