Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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