listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
