mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
