Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
