good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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