You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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