This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
