do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
