she woke up with a sticky ear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
