i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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