Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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