ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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