his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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