I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
