i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
