When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
