The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
