Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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