Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
