I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
