In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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