You work out of a Hotel?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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