idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
