Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So many bounce houses so little time
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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